I saw a mug shot.
From an arrest.
A mugshot of an addict.
A recent arrest.
Of a person I once knew.
From another lifetime of mine.
It’s strange the different directions life can take you after a tragedy. After my son died I could have taken a dark path, succumbed to the depth of my sorrow. I could have let it rule my life and take me down another road that would have done no one any good and only would have made my life harder.
I chose instead to grab onto hope and hold on tight. To let it pull my into a world of light, of acceptance, and of dreams for my future. I let that hope pull me out of an abusive relationship, out of all the what-ifs that could be never ending, and into a place of knowing I am worthy. That hope began a path of discovery. Self discovery.
It’s so sad to see that Christian’s other parent looked at the fork in the road and chose a dark path. It’s maddening that my name is forever linked to the lifestyle that he has chosen. If my name is run in a data bank, it will pull up my previous marriage from when I was a teenager, which will in turn pull up an addict and criminal. It is unfair and a tragedy of another kind that I cannot sever this tie completely. It infuriates me if I let myself think about it. A teenager, as I was at the time, does not yet know themselves enough to see the mistakes that they are making. It was another lifetime for me. I do not want to carry it around in my adult life.
I watched a movie recently called Crime After Crime (please see this movie) and though my circumstances are obviously different I can identify with the main character. Some of the abuse that she went through, things she was subjected to, and the fact that she is affected her entire life by her abuser at the hands of the system.
America sure does treat female victims of abuse in a most unjust manner.
I just realized that I have reached the 100 posts mark!
I cannot believe I have written that much in the months since I began this blog!
Thanks to all of you that keep on reading!
I also wanted to share a couple of exciting links regarding my field school:
I will be showing my own 5 minute media piece on Mutual Aid Societies with some of my peers. I will share it on here eventually no doubt, as well. Speaking of… I better get back to work! 🙂
And I am off and running again…next field school four day trip starting tomorrow morning.
I still have not fully unpacked from getting in at 3am from Telluride!
Next we are off to:
Week 3: Four Corners Region
Tuesday, June 21
Breakfast on your own
9am – Meet on campus; leave ABQ for 3 nights
Drive 3.25 hr to Farmington; Lunch on the road
1:30pm – Navajo Agriculture Products Industry (NAPI) tour
Drive ~45 min to Navajo Dam
Stay at Abe’s Motel and Fly Shop – Highway 173 #1791 Dinner at El Pescador
Wednesday, June 22
Breakfast at El Pescador
6am – NMSU Agricultural Science Center
Lunch on the road
Drive ~3 hr Farmington to Chinle
Stay at the Best Western Chinle – 100 Main Street
Dinner at Junction Restaurant
Thursday, June 23
Breakfast at Junction Restaurant
Canyon de Chelly National Monument
9am-1pm – Dryland Agriculture Hike w/ Adam Teller (Stacking Rock Trail)
Packed lunch on trail
Afternoon- Hike the White House Trail/overlooks on own. Or, work on film assignments on own at hotel.
Stay at the Best Western Chinle; Dinner at Thunderbird Lodge
Friday, June 24
Breakfast at Junction Restaurant
Drive ~50 min to Tsaile
9am – Sheep is Life Celebration – Diné College Tsailé
– Chant of the Spider. A Holistic Journey into Diné Fiber Arts.
– Film Screenings – Reception and Lecture, featuring Chef Freddie Bitsoie “Contemporary Interpretations of Diné cuisine”
Lunch at festival
Drive 4.25 hr to Albuquerque
I have so much to share but no time yet to share it. There will be some catching up coming soon!