Please share and help out!

Hello supporters!

It has been another roller coaster year for me but graduation is at least in sight! I still need to raise the last of my tuition in order to walk at graduation. So please continue to share my page!

I have had much relief from my surgery but there is no cure. I continue to incur further medical costs as I try to manage my Endo. They removed many growths through laproscopy. I am currently trying to manage pain through acupuncture, which seems to really help, but it is not covered by my insurance. Treatments are very expensive for a student budget.

I lowered my goal a few months back as so many amazing people pitched in to help me through other ways off this site. I am going to lower it again to reflect ONLY my student account.

Please help me raise the last of my tuition! I am so happy to finish this chapter of my life and am grateful for all the love, support and encourage everyone has shown me.

My student account sits at $1,215.00 This is the exact amount I have left to raise by May 2013.

Please share far and wide!

Link: http://www.gofundme.com/14d9dk


Spring is popping!

Hello! I am still here… are you still here?

It is Spring Break in my little world and every little bit of good weather I am taking advantage of when I am not working!

I haven’t written in so long.

Much more soon!

red poppy flowers in field  ppy06141 poppy-flower-1 poppies3 images


Confession.

I have runner’s block.


Night aches.

I’m so sleepy but I can’t sleep. Pain is keeping me awake.

I was awake last night because I watched Michele Obama’s speech on the president and the rhetoric just kept playing over in my mind. It kept me up. Hearing so many affirmations of what our president is doing for students but living the opposite. So full of fluff and glitter and beautiful words. Hitting all the right nerves that I want so badly to believe in but my reality tells me differently. I know that the changes he signed into law for student financial aid are negatively affecting me, NOT supporting me or helping me succeed. I am living this RIGHT NOW. I offended people recently when I said I did not feel that “he has my back” as a student. And I feel that walls were raised and guards were set up to defend the president and Michelle’s speech against such blasphemy as me stating that I do not feel supported. I can feel this way. I have lost all funding aid when I need it the most. I can feel that the president does not have my back in all matters that matter to me.

It is not just the financial aid. It is not just me as a student. I have many sides that are not supported. He supports women and equality with marriage, but what about our food system, what about my humanitarian side? When will GMOs be labeled as promised? When will all the senseless killing be stopped? I don’t want the oil, and if you think that is not the real base level reason under it all then you need to read more. When will Guantanamo Bay close as promised? When will the drones stop? So many issues. So many things important to me that I do not feel my president’s backing on.

What causes these reactions to the political turmoil all around us? Why does my story of struggle and my personal reaction to a speech because of that struggle strike such a cord in another that my reaction is personal to them? Why do we leap past trying to understand a different view into making a point on our own view? Who pauses anymore?

 

I am not even sure that I am making sense in my sleeping state. I just want my tummy ache to go away. It felt like a thud after I listened to that speech, and has only gotten worse after trying to give voice to that feeling throughout the day. Maybe it’s just the Endo. A new symptom. I am really not sure. Maybe its both. The reactions I received today hurt. In the pit of me.

It is hard to keep track of symptoms with this longer cycle of pain/not so much pain/no pain. It’s like a long, repeating wave. I am trying to keep better track now by dates and symptoms. There are things that are the same every month like the cramping that is beyond normal, and painful mornings on the loo. Those are the most consistent. The sharp pain that makes me scream without control, almost pass out, and makes my knees buckle? Is that more like every other month? Didn’t I have that 3 months in a row though this spring? What about new today the crazy sharp cramp after I peed in my lower ab. Has that happened before? The sharp stab when I leaned against a counter this evening in the kitchen? I get anxious and scared tracking the looming dates each month. How bad will it be this time? How long will it last? Will I be pain free the whole time in between cycles?

I hope this week that there are no over the top sharp pains. I fear it happening at work or (even worse) in class. I am terrified of that actually. E has seen me in those moments and the freaked out looks she has given, I can’t imagine an entire room of those looks. Besides, who would even understand? Scream, drop to floor, curled up? In a classroom. I am even embarrassed even when E has seen it. I probably look ridiculous. Like a crazy lady. And, oh its craps? like period cramps? Really?!! You fell from that?? I can only imagine the reactions. (E never did that, I should point out. She tried to help if I would let her)

I go see a specialist next week…I wish scheduling appointments did not take so long between each step. The worst is not knowing really. If my cyst on my left ovary is so large I was told they may remove the whole ovary and I have all these other symptoms then how far has it spread?

There is a half marathon race this weekend that I registered for long ago. I won’t be racing. In fact I have only run once a week tops lately. I miss the feeling running gave me but I can’t seem to lace up my shoes.

If you are still reading this late night ramble, you are sweet indeed. Time to rap up my fears and frets before I steer too far off into a third topic. Another raw and definitely unfiltered dose of Apple Juice. Sweet dreams, readers…


Calling on my community…

Help me Graduate College!

The year 2012 has been a very difficult year. It should be a year of celebration, as I start my last year of college to earn my BA in Environmental Planning and Design! Three things are challenging my dreams of accomplishing this major life goal.

One of these challenges is a medical condition I was finally diagnosed with this year called Endometriosis. The second devastation was the news from the financial aid office that I would not receive any funding for my last year (except my work study award of 5,000 paid out over full year in bi-weekly pay from my student job I have held for over 3 years). The third hill to climb that has come this year is the ensuing depression that has hit me in dealing with the first two obstacles.

When I received both of these pieces of news; first the diagnosis and then later the news of no funding for my last year it felt like the wind was knocked out of me. My doctor told me that I have a cyst on my left ovary and they will likely have to remove the ovary. Surgery will cost money, as will the tests, specialists, and follow up care. I will likely never be free from pain, as this condition is not curable. I was starting to deal with this situation when I found out about my financial aid situation.

I am the first person in my immediate family to attend a four year college and earn a BA. I have made my way essentially alone. A lot of students are lucky enough to have personal/family financial support but I have made it this far by financial aid support and working. When I asked friends for suggestions on where to get help, this is the forum that was graciously suggested. My tuition alone for the year will be over 6,000 split between Fall and Spring terms, not counting fees, books, ect. My school estimates my yearly student expense at over 20,000. My Work Study paychecks barely cover my monthly expenses and I am not sure how much my medical bills will be.

Without help from friends, family and altruistic strangers I will not be able to fund my last year and pay medical costs alone. As much as I don’t enjoy admitting it, I can’t do this alone. I need my community to help me!

If you can help with a donation of any amount to get me through surgery and throwing that graduation cap into the sky, I will be eternally grateful. If you cannot donate, please, please share my story and site with friends and family!

Donate here!


Motivation!

Nothing motivates me more to run than running itself!

Back to pain free days…period is days past now so my endometriosis pain is mostly gone for now too. And my back injury(whatever that was) seems to be pretty much okay so I had done a run the last two days. I actually got up and did a morning run both days! Amazing for me. My sleep schedule how been fairly back to normal so morning runs have been much easier to do. My new place is close to an old running spot I used to go to several years ago quite often and I am enjoying the proximity. 

So, about that motivation. I have another half marathon in 3 weeks that I am already signed up for but I do not feel ready for (at least not to do any sort of a stellar job in) since I have taken several weeks off from running due to pain. My pain has also caused a bit of depression which further makes motivation for running hard to muster. The cure it seems every time is just to force myself to do it anyhow when I get into one of these funks.

Just go do one run, you won’t regret it!

That run leads to another run and each ones feels easier and better. It just feels good to be outside and moving. To get those endorphins. To feel my body move with confidence and power. To feel healthy. To let my mind wonder. To be with my dog, Parker. It feels good to give something good back to myself. To remind myself that I am strong after all. Strong in body, in will, in mind.

That race in 3 weeks doesn’t hurt the motivation factor either though ;)


Endo musings

You can even have endometriosis in your lungs apparently. (I was diagnosed with asthma a few years ago, link? I never felt like it was really asthma…)

A cyst like the one I have on my left ovary is also called a chocolate cyst. This is wrong on so many levels, I will have to come back to this one.

Since I have a cyst on my left ovary then that ranks me at stage 3 or 4, the highest stage.

Endometriosis is a life-long disease.

I

have

a

disease.

I may never be pain free again.


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